This summer has gifted me with sufficient down time to process many life changes that have left me emotionally in need to come to terms. The biggest change? My only child chose a military career. I am very proud – he wants to serve a cause larger than him self. But alongside the pride, his choice has brought the grief of adjusting to his absence. I struggle between the dual emotions to make sense of these changes, yet stay positive. It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like a victim, and I work to adjust to a different flow of life without falling into “poor me” emotions.
What I have learned is that to live happily with myself, I have to give up control of what I cannot change. I am moving from a period of mothering into having the time I have often said I wanted for myself. Yet when I try to utilize that time, a vortex of emotions creep in that I must dance with my shadow.
I have also learned that the process of deep, inner emotional healing involves dancing with the shadows. These shadows are repressed emotions: fears, not feeling worthy, jealousies, and suppressed anger. What I have learned is that if I turn and face the shadow of the moment, I can simply witness it. I don’t have to engage it or relive a painful memory. I can simply label it – today it is fear of what I cannot control – and witness it, and thereby it loses its power over me and I can move forward.
Prayer for today: Dear Creator, when I feel I cannot stand alone or even stand another moment for the emotions that overwhelm me, stand with me. Please stand with me. And when I falter, as I often do, please help me to be willing. Creator, I am willing to be willing.