365 Days of Prayer – Day 85

I aim to find time to write this blog everyday, but I don’t, so I will just keep on keeping on as best I can. I am an overachiever, so I tend to set myself unrealistic goals, thinking I can accomplish more in one day than I actually can. I bought myself a 2020 day to day calendar organizer this year, and I found it on sale at Walgren’s, so I felt good about the purchase. I’ve been keeping up with it, too, and that simple act helps me to feel good about what I actually accomplish than my old habit of writing forever long “To Do Lists” that I could not see an end to. At the end of a day, I simply carry over the tasks of the day that were not completed. They eventually get done.

I mention all of this, because I wanted to share that I have learned and begun to practice the art of self forgiveness. It may have taken me 60 years to learn this fine jewel of a practice, but it keeps me from unproductive shame and guilt. Most of the stuff I used to punish myself with was stupid, limiting, self-negating ideas that carried over from a childhood of failing to please the people who mattered. I had to begin by observing in my self the roots of those feelings that caused me to feel bad and learn to replace them with new roots of things that feel good.

Please note I am not talking here about artificial ways of feeling good, like drug taking or alcoholism to escape emotional pain. No, no, no. I am talking about learning a new practice of those things that make me feel good because of something I accomplished or something I wanted to do for someone else because I knew it would bring them happy. I encourage my son in his life choices. I wash the dishes because my spouse hates to. I draw a picture not to show off my talent, but just because I wanted to and it made me happy. These are the choices I am talking about. Working out, because it makes my body feel better. Singing, just because I need to express my joy. Saying “Good morning!” to my bus kids cheerfully just in case one of them might have had a rough start to her day. That type of stuff. Letting another commuter out into traffic. Just the stuff of the “Pay it forward!” movement.

Just sayin’

Creator, I write this blog with this 365 Days of Prayer goal to provide inspiration to someone out there, somewhere, who might need inspiration. Please let my effort make a difference to someone, somewhere. Amen.

 

Author: Susan Hintz-Epstein

I am an artist, an intuitive Rune interpreter, a Reiki master, Mesa carrier, and student of the soul. Personally, my best answers to the question of life have come from my relationships, Nature, the Gurdjieff work, and a practical meditative/prayer life. Currently I am writing a book on my experiences with the Norns, Scandinavian goddesses of Destiny, and Hela, called Goddesses of the Nitty Gritty: Called to the Well of Being.