Jesus was 40 days and nights in the desert. Noah and the animals were 40 days and nights on the Ark. Moses spent 40 years in the desert with the Jewish children of Egypt. I’m not sure what is magical about the number 40, but when I turned 40 I knew I’d hit middle age. Well, technically it will be middle age if I make it to the great age of 80… But perhaps I am splitting hairs. I’m having fun being nonsensical. Talking about prayer does not have to be serious and disciplined or aesthetic. It can be a fun act of love. Just showing up to the page today.
Today I am resting. I am calm. I am feeling good.
Creator, thank you for the chance to feel good, to rest, to have time from overwork. Amen.
Symbols that bridge our inner knowing and our outer knowing
Recently I posted a Facebook video on making Rune cards using ZenTangle methods learned from books, and the pendulum to indicate special lines, the flow of lines, and to select from my tangle collection.
Here: Rune Card video 1
And here: Rune Card video 2
What is so much fun about such projects is that the Runes have been my daily companions since 2013, and they have shared so much of their energetic meanings with me. When I create art using a method such as ZenTangle, it adds to the depth of the meaning of the Rune whatever is going on in my Subconscious. In this way symbols serve to bridge the waking consciousness of the day to day with the greater and broader depth of the Subconscious.
Reiki symbols do the same thing.
Religious symbols do the same thing.
What symbols are most important to you? For my son, the Marine Eagle, Globe, and Anchor is a symbol of the great accomplishment of The Crucible, and his willing service to America.
Today I let the simple act of art to become the prayer. I sat down to the design and allowed it to inform me of what I needed to release to feel more clear in my relationship with my Creator.
Creator, thank you for creativity. Thank you for inspiration. Thank you for this burning yearning to always feel close to you.
Being. Just. Being. Sitting in stillness, my focus extends to the life forces around me. The trees. The Creek. The Winds. The earth beneath me. I breathe in, I breathe out.
Meditation becomes the prayer.
Yesterday was one of those days I had to fight my conditioned self not to react from old patterns of behavior. The method begins with self-observation of many years, studying my self, my habits, learning my emotions, and watching the thoughts that arise in connection with these. Most of these patterns began in very young childhood. Home life was dysfunctional. I don’t say this to blame anyone, not any more, but to explain that I developed a sensitivity to explosive anger as a survival tool. The result was a superficial effort to placate, to please, so as to avoid the repercussions of anger in my home. Tonight I created a ceremony to heal from these patterns. At the time of the full moon, I braided a cord to wear around my neck to gather into itself all those energies that interfere with speaking my truth. After all, there were those times when it was safer not to speak. But now, I can speak. I am safe. I just need to stand in strength knowing it is safe to speak. Tonight, the night of the dark moon, I burned this cord. I burned this cord and tomorrow I will bury the ashes of that fire in my garden, letting the earth make fertile use of this dead stuff.
I feel liberated. I am free.
Goddesses of the Nitty Gritty. I salute you. I salute the lessons you have brought me to. I ask you now to ground me, root me better in Earth so that Earth may bolster the strength of my spirit.
The Norns and Frau Holle have been tutelary spirits since 2013. They were among the goddesses of my most distant ancestors.
We had an unusually beautiful day today, and we are expecting a few days of extreme winter. This morning I wandered down to the creek, admired the delicate sculpting of ice along her banks. There is a beauty that catches my breath, and creates in me a feeling of belonging to something much larger than myself.
Dearest Creator, I got up today, still vertical, still breathing. Thank you for this life. Thank you for the ups and the downs. Thank you that I belong to You. Amen.
Sometimes I see that level of feeling defines the act of prayer. I connect much more deeply with my prayer when I have a very deep feeling about something. This in turn affects how I pray.
(1) I do not seek prayer so that others will think well of me.
(2) I pray from deep need or deep feeling.
(3) When I was separated from my child for a while, my deepest prayer was to have right relationship with him. My prayers were answered.
(4) My prayers are usually based from my most accurate sense of what is real. When my friend was dying of cancer, of course I did vocalize my wish for her recovery, but my most sincere prayer was for her to live well in her remaining time on earth, and when her time came for the best experience of dying she could have.
(5) There is a humility in praying that sometimes the answer will be “No.”
(6) Sometimes I must transcend my own desires, no matter how hard this acceptance is, with the acceptance that the world is ordered in the Gods time.
Dear Creator, help me, especially in those moments when I need such help, to always be in right relationship with You. Amen.
It’s been a while since I’ve added to this, since I’ve been in a whirlwind of activity since October. In October I went down to see my son graduate from Marine Boot Camp. They run an ordeal that they call “The Crucible.” The Marines are a tough outfit, and I am so proud of my son for his commitment to our country, and his capacity to make the most of himself. November saw me dealing with any number of obstacles that arose on the home front and the day job. I realized throughout these storms of activity, that any one particular problem would once drown me in anxiety, but prayer has become such a practice for me now, and in it the antidote for anything.
Being fully in my body, enjoying “Here and Now” makes for a sense of presence such that I can engage the fullness of myself in any emergency or exigency that arises. Defining the problem, getting the information I lack, and then taking steps to act on the decision made from that information frees me from anxiety while I wait for the solution to resolve. My habitual prayer to my spiritual guidance: “Help me to resolve this issue as simply as possible” surely facilitates things.
Creator, today I make the awareness to thank you for all that I have, the good things as well as the problems, for it is through the occasional troubles that we can be challenged to grow. Amen.
Today I stand quiet in myself sensing the life force energies around me. I breathe in life, and I breathe out what is dying in me. I raise my arms and set my feet, drawing in energies from sky, from earth, knowing myself a minor part of All That Is. I thank the earth for her bounty, and I thank the stars, sun, and moon for the grace they surround me with. I thank water, wind, all the elements for partaking of me and I of them. We dance in community of life.
As summer fades into the rich colors of mid-Autumn I take today to remember the Ancestors and all that they have given to me that has made my own life journey both thorny and blessed. Thorns are just obstacles to be overcome and the Rose is the sweet smell of overcoming.
Today I remember Lillian and John and little John, Pat and Angel, Henry and Rolita and Vera, August and Clara and Lenora, Grace and Bob, Bob and Ann, Lowell and Florence, Steve and Lillian, Bill Eaton, Bill and Edna, Martin and Albert, Frank and Mia, Frank and Mary, Agnes… To those whose names I have forgotten, grace be on to you. May God continue to hold you close to his heart as I hold you close to mine.
I have not posted daily as I had originally intended. But life keeps me busy with jobs and creativity. I want to say that today I am grateful my son called from Marine Boot Camp. He has made it through the Crucible, no longer boy, but man and Marine. My heart holds so much pride, yet side by side with that pride is the fear that most moms would feel when their only child has chosen a Warrior’s career. One day at a time. Kahlil Gibran wrote something in The Prophet, that our children are not our own, but come through us, a gift to life itself. I can believe that. But as a mom, I got attached to this child, and I hope that wherever his life journey takes him, he will always come home again.
Dear Creator, you gave my son a calling, as you have given many mothers’ sons a calling… Daughters too are now becoming Marines. I have so much respect for these determined young men and women. Please hold them close in their honor and their courage, and whether or not they make that ultimate sacrifice, bring them home to the hearts of those who love them, and to your self, because in life or in death, Creator, the home you give us in our hearts is the one that matters. Amen.