365 Days of Prayer – Day 37

Yesterday was one of those days I had to fight my conditioned self not to react from old patterns of behavior. The method begins with self-observation of many years, studying my self, my habits, learning my emotions, and watching the thoughts that arise in connection with these. Most of these patterns began in very young childhood. Home life was dysfunctional. I don’t say this to blame anyone, not any more, but to explain that I developed a sensitivity to  explosive anger as a survival tool. The result was a superficial effort to placate, to please, so as to avoid the repercussions of anger in my home. Tonight I created a ceremony to heal from these patterns. At the time of the full moon, I braided a cord to wear around my neck to gather into itself all those energies that interfere with speaking my truth. After all, there were those times when it was safer not to speak. But now, I can speak. I am safe. I just need to stand in strength knowing it is safe to speak. Tonight, the night of the dark moon, I burned this cord. I burned this cord and tomorrow I will bury the ashes of that fire in my garden, letting the earth make fertile use of this dead stuff.

I feel liberated. I am free.

Goddesses of the Nitty Gritty. I salute you. I salute the lessons you have brought me to. I ask you now to ground me, root me better in Earth so that Earth may bolster the strength of my spirit.

The Norns and Frau Holle have been tutelary spirits since 2013. They were among the goddesses of my most distant ancestors.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 36

We had an unusually beautiful day today, and we are expecting a few days of extreme winter. This morning I wandered down to the creek, admired the delicate sculpting of ice along her banks. There is a beauty that catches my breath, and creates in me a feeling of belonging to something much larger than myself.

Dearest Creator, I got up today, still vertical, still breathing. Thank you for this life. Thank you for the ups and the downs. Thank you that I belong to You. Amen.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 35

Sometimes I see that level of feeling defines the act of prayer. I connect much more deeply with my prayer when I have a very deep feeling about something. This in turn affects how I pray.

(1) I do not seek prayer so that others will think well of me.

(2) I pray from deep need or deep feeling.

(3) When I was separated from my child for a while, my deepest prayer was to have right relationship with him. My prayers were answered.

(4) My prayers are usually based from my most accurate sense of what is real. When my friend was dying of cancer, of course I did vocalize my wish for her recovery, but my most sincere prayer was for her to live well in her remaining time on earth, and when her time came for the best experience of dying she could have.

(5) There is a humility in praying that sometimes the answer will be “No.”

(6) Sometimes I must transcend my own desires, no matter how hard this acceptance is, with the acceptance that the world is ordered in the Gods time.

Dear Creator, help me, especially in those moments when I need such help, to always be in right relationship with You. Amen.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 33

Today I stand quiet in myself sensing the life force energies around me. I breathe in life, and I breathe out what is dying in me. I raise my arms and set my feet, drawing in energies from sky, from earth, knowing myself a minor part of All That Is. I thank the earth for her bounty, and I thank the stars, sun, and moon for the grace they surround me with. I thank water, wind, all the elements for partaking of me and I of them. We dance in community of life.

Amen.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 32

As summer fades into the rich colors of mid-Autumn I take today to remember the Ancestors and all that they have given to me that has made my own life journey both thorny and blessed. Thorns are just obstacles to be overcome and the Rose is the sweet smell of overcoming.

Today I remember Lillian and John and little John, Pat and Angel, Henry and Rolita and Vera, August and Clara and Lenora, Grace and Bob, Bob and Ann, Lowell and Florence, Steve and Lillian, Bill Eaton, Bill and Edna, Martin and Albert, Frank and Mia, Frank and Mary, Agnes… To those whose names I have forgotten, grace be on to you. May God continue to hold you close to his heart as I hold you close to mine.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 30 Symbols that bridge understanding

The obviously long title today serves a point – symbols that bridge our inner and outer understanding are symbols that bridge the waking consciousness and the subconsciousness. I might also call them right or left brained awareness. Whatever it is, I am paying attention.

I tend to utilize a lot of animal symbols. When I enjoy squirrels for example, they also remind me to gather my nuts for winter.  Whatever it is I will need, I will gather that in preparation for the coming cold months ahead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Runes, the Tarot, oracle cards, and other forms of divination serve in this manner too. What do I need to be aware of today for my ultimate well being? When I am receptive to ideas, words, thoughts, that come from “above” I am tuning into my own guidance, connection to source, higher self… God! And here I risk a politically incorrect moment.

I am fascinated by people who argue over the names of God… A church person will say Jesus is God; a Moslem will say Allah is God; a Buddhist might say there is no God, only Existence… Nobody is right and nobody is wrong. Everybody is right, everybody is wrong. We all get stuck in intellectual wordiness and separated from the connective knowing of the heart, a language without words.

I tend toward Animism myself. As a Reiki healer and “energy worker” I have tapped into a life principle that seems to infuse a level of consciousness into almost everything I am connected to – the trees, the rocks, the winds, the waters, other sentient beings – humans, animal-kind, plant-kind, insect-kind, bird-kind, and all the small beings too numerous to mention.

But I don’t need to stand on a soapbox to prove what I feel or to listen to what you feel. We don’t have to agree to get along. We just have to respect each other.

Creator, many voices, many points of view. As the world moves, so do You. Thank you for this day and its rich variety of people, places, and beings. Amen.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 29

Today was a day when several unanswered prayers came together. Events on the job conspired to make a safer haven on the school bus for my passengers. A responsibility I had undertaken for a spiritual guide was taken away from me, opening the way for a new beginning that will become an ongoing video conference on the Runes. I call it RUNE WISE. People will come together in circle to explore the Runes and Wyrding Ways, as my friend Erika Mazdi calls it in her own circle, Weaving Destiny. I hope that she will become part of it, although she is halfway around the world and the time zone may not work out. None of these efforts would have come about the way they did if I had not been “willing to be willing.”

When I started this 365-days of prayer effort, I was committed to every day posting. But life has been fuller than my opportunity to sit down to a computer. So I am instead taking each day as it comes to me, and posting as I can, and there is a tremendous gift in that too. It takes the pressure off. I pray every day, I just don’t always have opportunity to write it down. But prayer guides me to remember the Divine is present in every moment of my every day. There is tremendous comfort in this.

Dear Creator, I thank you for being an every moment presence in my life, whether I am tuned into you in every moment or not. Guide my words, guide my process. Help me to be willing to be willing. Meet me from above when I cannot reach any higher in any moment than I can. Thank you for the ongoing results of many people working together for a common aim this morning. Amen.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 27 – Forgiveness as a Process

I have been trying to find the words to talk about forgiveness these past three days. I have concluded that forgiveness is an ongoing process. Although most of us understand that when we can forgive and let go of trauma, we will feel better and carry more light, some of us just are not ready. Some of us still need to process the five levels of grief – shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger/bargaining, depression/reflection/loneliness, before comes the turn around and the beginning of working through/reconstruction, and the breakthrough to acceptance and hope. The early stages are things we might be stuck in for years!

I have a couple of experiences from listening to other people that have taught me to be very sensitive of bringing up the topic of forgiveness too soon, with the understanding that there can be a benefit in stopping another person from repetitiously engaging the story of the wounded self.

Years ago a friend shared that she had been molested by her brother while very young. She said that she had carried her wounded self like a badge upon her sleeve, until one day she was sharing her story with a spiritual mentor, and the mentor broke in upon her one-sided conversation with a simple question: “Have you asked your brother for his forgiveness yet?” Stunned into silence, my friend eventually asked her mentor, “What do you mean?” Her mentor replied that my friend’s anger, hatred, and rage now carried their own vibration of violence against her brother, and that her unforgiving thoughts of him kept them from any reconciliation. My friend was ready to hear that, and subsequently went back to her brother now as an adult woman, and asked him for his forgiveness. Sister and brother really talked. She learned how horrible he now feels for what he did then, and she has a deep level of compassion for him as a wounded soul, which she carries into her own healing work as a yoga teacher and spiritual guide. Hers is a successful story of moving through years of pain.

Another time I was in circle with friends and one of us mentioned how she had been molested by a spiritual guru. Those of us who had been doing Shadow work for a while wanted to talk about how everybody has their Shadow, but the real blessing came from someone new to the circle who said, “Not one of you is listening to her!” Those of us who had been talking immediately felt bad, and one of us apologized, saying we just wanted to help! From that point we really began to listen. Engaged. That episode taught me how important Silence is to holding a person in supportive, loving circle. It’s like that when you are in a group and pass the talking stick around and everybody just gets to say what they need to say that day.

Creator, thank you for teaching me through other humans that there is a time to speak and a time to listen, a time to hold Silence, and a time to Share. Grant me the sensitivity of discernment so that I might truly be present to another in their time of need; and grant me the wisdom of boundaries so that I might not be enabling another in their shadow of rage and anger. Amen.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 28

smiling face
Who is that smiling goof

Today is just an ordinary day, a day in which I shall go to work, smile at co-workers and bus kids, and wear my happy face. I can wear my happy face today, because I am happy. I have met some goals for myself and am working on others with expectation of successful outcomes. I have no need to stress. Today I feel very lucky, so today’s prayer is simple:

Thank you, Creator, for all that I have. Thank you for the blessings of home and family, friends, friendly co-workers and a job I enjoy while I work on my soul’s calling to read and share the Runes as a pathway to spiritual consciousness. Thank you for Nature, the Hudson River, the Heron I saw, and the green growing things. Amen.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 26 – Damsel in Distress?

via GIPHY

Image above, Damsel in Distress

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because my Subconscious is presenting me with emotions I have repressed and still need to face in order to heal. My story is no worse or no better than anyone else’s; the process may be much the same. Some people have horrific stories of sexual abuse. Other people have grown up in a violent home. Still others have PTS from war or events like 9/11. There is no judgment here. In terms of the need for emotional healing, no thing is created equal. We all have our stories and our specific internal timing for our process, and when we come together with a foundation of love and acceptance, we begin finding the support and courage to heal.

I have noticed within my interactions with others in spiritual community, and from my own self-observation, is that people get stuck in patterns that are repeating cycles of a buildup of emotion, a trigger, an explosion, and release. These cycles repeat from the release to the next buildup of tension. And they block our clarity of Spirit. The journey into the Shadow is an individual one. Each of us contains our own Under World, Over World, and Middle Earth. In visiting these fertile maps of our own soul we uncover the symbols and fecund potential of our own heart.

I began today’s prayer blog with the idea of Forgiveness, but I wandered off topic. In writing today I have understood that we can enjoy the process of Myth as fairy tale: for example, the fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty actually descended from the telling and retelling of Odin’s putting Sigdrifa, a disobedient Valkyrie to sleep until such time as… Or we can regard Myth as teaching stories that guide us through the soul territory of our own story. As  each of us contains our own Under, Over, and Middle World, we have the power to choose the role of Victim or the role of Sovereign.

Dear Creator, in the rich uncovering of my own/our own human dramas, guide me in clear understanding of the symbols of my internal landscape. Allow me to see how I have been a victim, a sovereign, or some combination of the two. In my interactions with others in my new understanding of the roles I have played, let me come to my answers with forgiveness and love. Amen.