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This morning I woke up early. I had been dreaming of light, and I was also fully aware of my body, as the sciatica I have been working so hard to stay fit and on top of, was disturbing my sleep. So I tuned in to my body. Attention to sensory awareness is something my Gurdjieff mentor Donald Petacchi used to call Intentional Sensation. Intentional sensation is a useful tool both to ground my spirit in my body and to become aware of what is going on within my body.

Today I had the novel experience -first time for me anyway- of being fully present to my pituitary and pineal glands. I had been dreaming of light, and they were both lit up. There was no sensation of communication with the Gods or Ancestors. It was just that the lightbulb in my cranium was on. So I got up to write.

Finding time to write is limited just now. Kids are going back to school and I drive them there. Our district is being careful with seating on the buses, but I hear of some districts that aren’t being so careful. This is nothing I can control, so I control what I can. I wear my mask and I social distance. But the subtle fear is there. I do not want to catch Covid-19 from those among my passengers who are less careful and bring it home to my spouse who is at risk should he get it. But we are aware that these are simply facts of life that are uncertain.

Life seems tremendously uncertain now, as we in America wait for an election that we hope will settle the clown circus in the White House once and for all. But there is never a “once and for all,” ever, is there? Perhaps these times are created for us to learn to accept uncertainty and change.

I have a lot of shaman friends on social media. It is where I have found my “tribe.” This is a side of myself I don’t share often with the friends and acquaintances in day to day life. One of my bus kids got on yesterday wearing a winter hat that said, “Stay Weird.” I said to her, “I shall.”

Wyrd, the way I spell it, is the path of life, destiny or fate. The old Norse word, Orlog, which I prefer to “karma,” relates to our path through life, the “Wyrd” which we weave for our selves through our personal choices, programming, the way we feel about things, and our interactions with other people. I have been in a sort of Life Review for the past few years, doing the deep emotional work of examining my memories, my life and my behaviors in and outside of relationships. My goal originally was to become a clearer channel for the psychic work I do, and although this has happened, I realize my goal has changed.

Clearing my self has not really been so much a process of “let me clear and throw this debris of life experience away.” I cannot really do that. My memories, the good choices of my life and the unhappy choices of my life will always be with me. But what I have chosen to do with that data is different. I am choosing to throw away guilt and shame. I have let remorse of conscience burn away that dross, because it does not serve me or anybody else to operate from the lower vibration those emotions carry. These times call for a higher vibration, a higher vibration for a changing world.

One of my shaman friends on FB recently posted that a shaman has to have knowledge of other faiths because we serve a diverse community of people these days. She got me to realizing from just how many diverse influences I have been drawing my own spiritual practices. I was raised Christian, but I have learned techniques from Reiki, Chi Qong, Buddhism, core shamanism, Northern shamanism, and the Peruvian shamans. When I find myself in an inner space of lower vibration, there are lots of tricks I can fall upon to turn myself around.

Just for this morning, I am called to the Prayer of St. Francis of Assissi: Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. Oh, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Light and life seem to be in the minds of many a simultaneous equation. But I would not appreciate the light my life holds if it were not for the shadows which dance within the light. The sun without shade is as brutal as shadow without light. The Universe or Multiverse seems to be a continuum between Order and Chaos, between a breaking down and a building up, and the fulcrum between certainty and uncertainty is where we stand now. So -SALUD!- here’s to a long life and learning to ride uncertainty with flexibility and a strange kind of wild joy!


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