For some days I had been feeling unexplained grief without recognizing its source. Last night I joined the online webinar “From Pain to Peace” with shamans Linda Fitch and Mary Agnew. I’ve heard great things about Linda Fitch from friends who took her classes when she was still a Dean at the Four Winds School. Mary Agnew to me was a fresh face, but one that contains much joy and delight.

From Pain to Peace from Linda Fitch and Mary Agnew webinar on August 26, 2020

During the webinar, Linda and Mary shared knowledge that corroborated information I received intuitively since I turned to face the shadows of my Subconscious in a process of deep emotional healing. They spoke to trauma and defined it. They emphasized that no trauma is “big” or “small.” Trauma is trauma. Then they began to speak about Soul Retrieval. During times of trauma, when we do not feel safe in our own body, sometimes a soul part will leave. And often our psychological development is arrested at the age at which we experienced the trauma, and that seven year old runs the show an adult ought to be overseeing.

For me it happened when a car struck the family cat on Easter weekend. Because it was “just an animal,” Mom could not meet me where I needed her to be for comfort. She would not let me console myself with the idea that I would see Buffy in heaven. I don’t want my reader to blame Mom. Mom had lost her only natural child when a car struck the boy running across an icy winter road. Mom stuffed her grief way down deep, and I perceive the classic pattern of generational trauma here.

Last night Mary and Linda offered a shamanic journey visualization. Mary said she would talk us through it, or we could do our own thing. I did my own thing, met three new animal guides, and found my lost soul child hiding in the pine trees my father had planted, surrounded by animals who had guarded and protected her. I picked her up, held her close to my heart, and said I missed her for the longest time, and I am so glad she is back now. We are integrating. With her, she brought a new depth of love and innocence. She is returning me to a deeper connection of wonder and love for Earth and Nature. The grief is gone. I believe it has run its course.

Without the loss of my pet and Mom’s lack of comfort, I never would have questioned the religion of my childhood. I never would have explored the ways other people sought to understand and experience the Divine. I never would have realized that all of us -each and every one of us- has access to God, Source, or by whatever Name we are most comfortable calling to the Divine. God is large enough to contain all those Names: Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Odin, Ilmarinen. I never would have questioned what happens after death when the body rots down and the Spirit takes flight from its earthy container. But I did question those things, and I am broadened by it.

The process of facing the shadows is to step beyond the fantasy of what we want or would like to happen in life, and begins the process of facing what is. Yes, the process can be uncomfortable, but the ultimate goal -freedom, liberation of mind- is worth any discomfort the process brings forward. And later, after coming to terms with the darkness and light of my inner content, and accepting myself just as I am, love comes in, and I love what is.


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