Stepping Into Fear – I am no longer Christian

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. The last time I addressed stepping into fear, a technique I learned from Brigid Hopkins about addressing strong emotions. Brigid Hopkins is a friend I met through Renee Baribeau’s Wind Clan. I have much good to say about them both, but that really isn’t what I am showing up to write about today.

Today I am “coming out.” No, I’m not gay, although I support the rights of transgender people to a safe and healthy alternative lifestyle.

I am coming out that I am no longer Christian. I suppose this statement has been coming for a while.

I am no longer Christian. I was raised Christian. There are many, many good things in the teachings of Jesus, but not so many good things in the secular/political history of “church.” Enough said. There is part of me that will always honor the best of what I gained from being raised Christian. Mom was devoted in her love of Jesus. Her unflagging discipline in her devotion to her faith taught me to love my God, my Source, the Home of my Soul.

The Jotun came to me in a powerful dream while I was still in High School. They emerged from a tunnel deep beneath the Earth that emerged from under my family’s church. The images stayed with me. In another powerful dream I was facing down a giant (a jotun) in order to protect the innocence of my sister’s childhood. (My sister manifested paranoid schizophrenia at puberty, and her life became very hard after that). The Jotun in Norse mythology are the giants who represent natural forces often larger than our capacity to cope with them. My sister’s predicament made a Christian hell of our family life, and turned my family’s values on their collective head.

The journey to find my self after the chaos of my upbringing has been a life long quest. I went back to college in my 30’s for Studio Art and Anthropology. I ended up beginning a painting of the Norns, although I did not recognize them at that time. Odin stepped out of the flames to welcome me in a waking vision, but I was still too caught in the conditioned fear of being burned at the stake or hung for being “different” and outside the “norm” of what a good Christian woman “should” be, to acknowledge his call.

My efforts to fit myself within all the ideas of what I was “supposed to be” got harder and I was carrying around a lot of bitterness inside me until I completely broke with my family’s ways by ending my first marriage.

Being on my own gave me the opportunity to be with myself in a way I never had been before. I could explore healing ways. I could experience a closer life with the Earth. I studied Reiki, Gurdjieff, and read all I could on the spirituality of the native Americas.

People have accused me of being “new age,” but that is nothing I identify with. The ways and philosophies were there to be explored, so I did. Some of the practices felt right, so I adapted those to my growing spiritual practice. It was all leading up to something beyond my wildest dreams.

In 2013 my tutelary spirit invited me to meet the Norns. That began my journey with the Norse pantheon. I will be talking more about these teachings and experiences as I proceed this year. But this was a huge thing to get off my chest: I am no longer Christian. Christian is no longer a mask I hide behind. I simply am NO LONGER CHRISTIAN.

Author: Susan Hintz-Epstein

I am an artist, an intuitive Rune interpreter, a Reiki master, Mesa carrier, and student of the soul. Personally, my best answers to the question of life have come from my relationships, Nature, the Gurdjieff work, and a practical meditative/prayer life. Currently I am writing a book on my experiences with the Norns, Scandinavian goddesses of Destiny, and Hela, called Goddesses of the Nitty Gritty: Called to the Well of Being.