365 Days of Prayer – Day 134 – Remembering my Dead

Since I began working with the Norns and Hela back in 2013, I’ve been adding to my regular practices of keeping an Ancestor altar and communicating with my dead at least once a week. We have achieved a lot together, my dead and I. Hela, Norse Goddess of Death, facilitates my capacity for mediumship, so I have been able to work through a lot of fertilizer, but for the sake of niceness, let’s instead call it “stuff.”

I was a bit of a spoiled brat who carried a lot of resentment and anger because I didn’t feel listened to or validated. “Oh, boo hoo! You whiner!” Two very nice people adopted me and raised me as their own after their biological son met the horrible fate of running into a car at the young age of six. The reason I didn’t feel listened to or validated was because they adopted another child whose brain chemistry didn’t work quite as it should and she needed the attention of those parents more than I did. The whole mess led to an emotional soup that got stirred up in frequent chaotic ways, and I became the family peacekeeper and mediator. Those weren’t responsibilities I wanted, yet they came with the territory.

Working with the Ancestors has given me the opportunity to give voice to unfinished business and to listen in response to those things that need doing in order to heal, forgive and move on. It’s really a lot like doing the work in daily life – when I have the courage to speak from my authenticity and it opens channels for communication.

The neat thing about working with the Ancestors is that no one is alive to hit me or punish me if I displease them in some way. Hitting a child is never excusable, but I see it now as the reaction of a parent who has been pushed beyond their filters, beyond their endurance of what they should have to take. Life with my sibling was chaotic, unpredictable, and angry.

There’s a lot that’s not kosher in many parent-child relationships, but wrongs do not begin to make a right. If we felt our parents were abusive, well, they probably learned it somewhere. Forgiveness is the key to cleaning up the shadows of the generations, and believe me, I don’t forgive out of some misguided Christian ideal that I should always be thinking of others more than myself. Heck no! If I forgive, even if I have that heavy struggle to transform my emotions, it is because I want my life to feel happier, more comforting, more secure.

It’s not easy work. It’s grueling. I have sat with the Norns and examined my life and every detail I could think of in my worst relationships to see what part I played. It has made all the difference. In seeing myself, doors opened, and I was freed.

It’s not a finished work. There are ancestors I have never met that I am beginning to meet. But it is rewarding.

Hela, thank you, dear one, for facilitating this healing work that can lead to my inner liberation and freedom! And Hela, thank you for taking such great care of my dead! I appreciate your wisdom and your ability to listen! 

365 Days of Prayer – Day 72 Clearing the emotional body series day 2 the upper chakras

The three uppermost chakras continuing to move upward from the Heart where we left off yesterday are the Throat, the Brow, and the Crown. These chakras combine to form the higher self.

Food for thought – the higher self and the lower self are neither good nor bad, and should not be thought of that way. They are simply two different aspects of the human complex that take care of the business of life in the physical world and life in the spiritual world. The Heart chakra is the connecting link for both; the vagus nerve connects the heart and the brain. Our process is about becoming whole and this is done through unifying the disconnected aspects of our human psycho-biophysical complex.

As mentioned yesterday, the yogic chakras are a model for the energy body of a human being. Seven chakras are located moving up the body from the Root chakra to the Crown chakra. Yesterday we discussed the Root, the Sacral, and the Solar Plexus, and included a meditation and a prayer.

The Heart chakra deals with the emotions. The positive emotions of love and compassion have the power to open the door wide to the inner and outer worlds of perception, whereas the negative emotions of anger, fear, anxiety, or sadness can make us determine to close it completely. I believe my heart empowers the energetic quality of my life, and rather than obstructing my heart with chronic negative emotions, I choose to clear them. More on that later. It is an important topic, but the rest of this information lays the ground work for that. I need a certain amount of self-understanding before I can begin that clearing work. The element of the Heart chakra is air.

Today a mindfulness exercise. This can be used as a prayer or meditation.

Sitting comfortably either cross legged or in a chair, start your practice with a deep breath. Another. One more. Good. Now think of something beautiful or happy or something that makes you feel loved, makes your soul sing. Feed yourself with this thought. Feel your heart center expanding outward as this thought fills you with good and happy feelings. 

Now, think of something bad that happened to you. The day my cat died. The day my best friend said and did something really hurtful and the friendship ended. That awful elementary teacher who always cut me to the quick, saying things to embarrass me in front of the class, because I could not learn the way she expected me to learn. Watch what happens to your energy field. Has it contracted? Do you feel diminished? Have your thoughts switched from feeling good about yourself to bad about yourself? 

Bring your ideas back to something happier. The purpose of this exercise was to show  how the heart is affected by the adverse thoughts and feelings we randomly carry within us. Emotions and the biochemicals of emotions rise and fall within us in response to our thoughts and our circumstances – these are a result of the endocrine glands responding to what we think and what we feel. Explore the power you have to change what you think and what you feel. 

Creator, thank you for the amazing powers within my own body to respond instead of react to external events. Thank you for the guidance to perceive how my internalized thoughts can motivate my reaction to what is no longer real.

 

365 Days of Prayer – Day 67

“Make me worthy.” These thoughts I often have when I come before the Gods. I really don’t know if I need to ask the Gods for that, because it is an act of preparation I make, that includes getting in touch with my own conscience, asking myself if there is anything out of balance in my life that must be addressed before I seek the Holy. But I ask it, in case I have missed something examining my conscience, because I know the Gods have the power to open my heart, break open my heart if necessary.

Yes, the Gods have broken open my heart before. Pride can be that most obstinate of inner opponents. I can justify anything to myself, but when I hurt those I most love, I am also most out of sorts with myself. Because those are the moments my world is most out of alignment.

The Native Americans have their teachings of the Medicine Wheel. The Medicine Wheel is aligned in accord with the four directions, and each direction holds a teaching. In brief, the east holds the power of mind, of fire, of sun, of intellect. The south holds the power of emotion, water, needs, and desires. The west holds the power of the physical body, earth, death, endings, and harvest. The north hold the powers of air, spirit, and community. Within these four directions we can discern where life is out of balance and make redress.

So the prayer for today:

Make me worthy, O Creator. Make me worthy, not from pride or the falsity of ego. But make me worthy from the heart – in love and truth to be of service through the joy of sharing my gifts. Amen Aho

Healing the Heart from Brokenness

Healing the heart from the brokenness of painful emotions requires the courage to move through the pain, and doing the work to find solutions. Without fail, this means catching our triggers before they manifest, examining those thoughts and beliefs surrounding the habit of negative emotions, and seeking new affirmations and self-talk that will change the outcomes around those triggered behaviors. This is where the role of forgiveness and release come into play.

How can I identify when these emotional energy loops are at play? I can become aware of areas in my body that don’t feel good, don’t feel fluid, don’t give me the ease of flexibility I expect through the practice of Intentional Sensation.*

Candace Pert’s important book, The Molecules of Emotion, testifies that emotions are stored in the body. I am sixty years old now, so I can add to this testimony that having a stiff neck has reflected stubborn beliefs I was unwilling to give up, that my left knee stiffens up when I am holding on to anger, and that my twisted tailbone may have its source in my support job of driving a school bus, but that has reflected a fear of money when finances are tight or overdrawn. Louise Hay’s book Heal Your Body holds many more similar correlations.

In areas of resistance, such emotions as anger, depression, resentment, melancholy, guilt, shame, jealousy, envy, laziness, and the kind of pride that separates me from connection to others can be found. If people allow these to trigger through blame and projection, they become destructive. Venting might make one feel good for a moment, but when those negative expressions come back to us in the form of broken friendships and trust, that no longer feels good.

If I can instead catch that emotion before it manifests, it becomes a guide to teach me what I need in my own life. For example, when I observed envy in myself, it was due to a friend who has become extremely successful as a multi-media artist. If I would like that for myself, I need to consider the things I would need to do to achieve that. Other friends have written books. I want to do that too, so I have set aside time each day to get the process of writing done. For me this has meant sacrificing an idea that “someday” I would have time to work on that. At sixty, that someday might never come, so it might as well be now.

Emotions are not always so benign as the recognition of envy that told me what I needed to do to have what I wanted. Women healers  are a collective group that has expressed pent up rage at sexual abuse, persecution as witches, and the total negation of the wisdom of half of the human species. Each of us has experiences that are unique to us. Beginning the process of listening to our own feelings and emotions is the first step toward wholeness.

* Intentional Sensation is the practice of sensory attention to our body, and has been taught in the Gurdjieff work as one aspect of self-observation of the physical-emotional-intellectual complex that is a human being.