365 Days of Prayer – Day 100 – Reverence

The only way it seems to break through my own negative and critical thinking of others is to focus my attention on gratitude and reverence.

When gratitude wears out against a darker mood, I turn to what I love. Thoughts of these things sustain me and give me pleasure to turn aside a critical, perfectionist attitude that fails to see everything is fine just as it is to seeing that everything is fine just as it is.

I love my dog’s happiness in running, no matter what the weather.

I love doodling, no matter what the distraction.

I love my husband and his home cooking.

I love the gods and being in communion with them.

I love visiting my tree friend Hem.

Sometimes I fall back on memories of riding Future around the dirt road loops by our farm, or riding Chesa at full gallop alongside the corn fields, or feeding carrots to Magic who had a way of curling her lip in satisfaction and letting her chicken friend sit on her head.

I remember how it felt to nurse my baby and feel his arms around my neck in a warm hug.

I remember my parents preparing the summer swimming pool with love.

I remember the great taste of a beer after an afternoon in the hayfields on a summer day. And best of all, I remember the great smell of the hay. I honor a full and honest day of work.

I remember people who were teachers for me: Ann, and Don, and Jane, and Harry, and Nick. Some were spiritual teachers, and some were teachers of life. I honor them.

I love it when my son the Marine surprised me with a visit home or a phone call I was not expecting.

Sometimes it is harder to love what is closer to home with daily chores and the stuff that I have differences with other people, but I can choose to see beyond those differences to what I love best in my husband despite his smoking making me cough. And what I honor today, surprisingly enough, is the freedom to fight for my own needs, as he does for his. Together we work.

Creator, thank you today for that which makes me smile instead of what makes me frown.

365 Days of Prayer – Day 86 – More Throat Chakra

Sometimes I feel really, really angry, and i need to speak my piece. Not my peace, but my piece. Not that anybody wants to really listen. Most of my life it seemed as if those persons who were louder and tended toward the chaotic were heard over and above me. Hey, my sibling took over the household with her temper, arguing with her boyfriend, and constant chaos of her “need.” Her “need” was usually to get driven here or there to be with whatever friend she wanted to hang out with as she struggled to raise her young son as a single parent.

Yes, I know she did not have it easy, but her own choices made her own hardships. I remember the time I walked into an argument she was having with Dad. She had pulled a knife and he was going for a lead pipe, and Mom was standing on the other side of the room uselessly wringing her hands. My sister fled out the door into the snowstorm and nobody got hurt that day. I remember the time my angel told me to walk through a closed door to her bedroom and her stupid boyfriend with the temper problem was posed in the threat of punching her pregnant belly and killing the baby. I told him to get out and he fled.

The point is our Throat chakra is a blessed way to express truth. We can express truth to help and to heal, or “truth” as a way to hurt another person, damage their reputation, kill their aspirations to our social circle, whatever.

Trouble for me was with my sister being so loud about what she wanted or needed, my wants and needs were not often heard. I learned that if I expressed what I wanted or needed it was often inconvenient for the family, so I ended up feeling like I got the short end of the stick. What my sister’s example did for me though, was to show me that actions have consequences. While it was a lesson she had to learn the hard way, I quickly decided that teenage pregnancy was not my cup of tea, so I avoided that trap. What I did not realize though, was that in not speaking up so as to get along, I was spending years short circuiting myself from my own happiness and freedom.

I learned the hard way that I make my own choices for love and for freedom. I learned to ask myself what I most truly need, because although others make take pleasure from what they give me, it might not be the thing to bring me the greatest pleasure. When I give voice to something now, I have generally thought about it a great deal before I speak, lest my words bring unintended harm or discomfort to another. Sometimes silence is my saving grace. Whether to speak up or not may often be a difficult choice for me, given my upbringing, but my words will always be as well considered as I can make them.

Creator, you are my saving grace. From you, humans have the gift of speech. The gift of speech can be used to illumine and to heal, or to drag others down to another level. Please bless our choice of words to be those in truth necessary to the moment, and help us to bless more than we curse. By thy holy truth, Amen.